I WANT WORDS WITH YOU.
Words that were banded around abundantly in and around the bike sheds at my school during breaks are extinct and banished these days. Spastic, Queer, Gimp, Poof, Gyppo, Wuhanker (sorry couldn’t resist the last one) as we find ourselves standing at the precipice of viral extinction. This laddish 2-cool-for-skool vocabulary back then, would be ground for being expelled today or instant dismissal from work and in many ways rightly so, I guess. It’s a little derogatory in this new PC world where even the words to Rule Britannia, dating back to 1740, are now under scrutiny it seems?
You can’t use these words anymore, just like you wouldn’t name your child Adolf. And yet, strangely, it is perfectly acceptable for those of us in travel and hospitality to pepper our conversations, websites and social media posts with the word ‘beverage’.
There are several twee and unnecessary words in the English language. Tasty. Meal. Cuisine. Nourishing. All should be erased. But, without a shadow of doubt the worst word, the worst noise, the screech of fingernails down the biggest blackboard in the country, the squeak of polystyrene on polystyrene, the cry of a baby on an aircraft when your hung-over, is the word ‘beverage’, surely?
PUNCH DRUNCH.
In Dubai it gets even worse. The mandated use of the term ‘grape beverage’ abounds, in a bid to soften and ward off the associated evil spirits (not the revenues) around alcohol. And, don’t get me started on ‘flavour’, the new secret squirrel code name everyone knows for Shisha, which the Health Ministry is instructing in a hopeless bid to try and eradicate this wheezy age-old social pastime, which is the last bastion of cultural traditions on the glistening streets of modernity.
Talking traditions the expat ‘BRUNCH’ is so last year I’ve heard. The fickle crowd, all now head to the new weekend pilgrimage ‘DRUNCH’. Clearly eating is officially cheating. Why waste precious time consuming food when you can just ‘drink-as-much-as you-can’ on grape beverages all day at the drinky drunky lunch?
As an ex-hotelier, I never knew where to hide my embarrassment during Brunch. For the new guests checking in from a long flight, who had to witness the unceremonious stretchering out from the hotel lobby, of intoxicated and scantily clad Brunch girls to the waiting ambulances was not exactly the warm Arabian welcome they were expecting. I would try in vain to avert the guests bewildered gaze at check in, to ensure they also avoided witnessing the customary, fully-clothed, freestyle swim in the hotel lobby fountains as the DRUNCH crowds parting gesture.
Apparently, they used to have ‘bever’ days at Eton when extra beers were brought in for the toffs. This almost certainly comes from some obscure Latin expression that only Boris Johnson would understand.
Therein lies the problem. People who work on planes and in hospitality (myself included) have got it into our heads that the word beverage, with its Eton and Latin overtones, is somehow posh and therefore the right word to use when addressing business class passengers and luxury hotel guests. The trouble is these customers in question are almost certainly (Mr Businessman – see my last post). They take flights all over the world and stay in business hotels and remain fairly average in the pecking order. The hospitality industry doesn’t need to treat them like they’re on the set of Downton Abbey. They don’t cut off their crusts on cucumber sandwiches Dorchester style, or say grace before dinner. They’re called Steve and Dave from Swindon. You know what they were doing in the departure lounge? Organising a merger with Heinz and Kraft? Fraid not, they’re looking at some Hooters swimsuit pageant pictures from the Internet, assuming they could even get airport Wi-Fi!
I’m middle class; I went to a military school most people would call relatively posh (it was certainly well-funded, thanks in part to the MOD). But if I came home to my wife and said I fancied a cold beverage and could she pass the condiments, or would she like help washing the accoutrements later, she’d punch me in the face!
DON’T SAY IT WITH FLOWERS.
As hoteliers grapple with new PPE ‘keep calm and covid on’ protocols, the glossy hospitality language we’re used to has been disrupted and is now punctuated with almost medical side-effects style leaflet copy, found with your antibiotics prescription. This new language is designed to rescue room nights and promote our new found, overnight, medical advisor acumen. Back in the old world though, we do still need to understand that guests don’t want to be treated like Mr Darcy. We need to embrace that they will understand there’s a kettle in your room. We don’t need to say there are ‘tea- and-coffee-making facilities’. Whilst we’re at it we should probably abolish ‘at all’ too, after every question. Can I take your coat at all? Would you care for a hotel car to the airport at all? Care for another complimentary welcome beverage at all? What’s wrong with saying ‘A free drink?’
Perhaps as hoteliers we feel that using more words than strictly necessary is somehow polite or helps justify the extortionate room rates? That’s why in a high-end restaurant last week I was offered some ‘bread items’. Maybe the change should start with the illustrious ‘food and beverage’ department, whom should be educated that the haughty, shizzle of embellished, vernacular-spectacular, mumbo-jumbo, foodie dialogue with restaurants and cuisine today, needs a serious, keep-it-simple-stupid rethink? When was the last time you even understood a menu?
Having written copious amounts of copy for luxury hospitality brands in my time, I’m guilty of all of the above too. My father used to read many of my extracts whilst holidaying and jokingly requested from room service a sick bucket, to relieve himself from this swamp of superlatives. He used to say, why couldn’t you just write simple English everyone understands, cut the flowery crap? – he has a point bless him. My brother also busted me during his stay, where he stumbled across a resort-wide food and drink (sorry beverage) guide I’d crafted. Page six; I remember it vividly introduced a new hotel bar concept, which exuded a nautical theme in its proposition and interiors. From memory the descriptor was something like, ‘Nakhuda Bar is the captain of comfort and the admiral of ambience’. How did we get away with it, I’ll never know? I guess very few guests on holiday read anymore, except my family, who tease me still to this day and treated it like a sport and pastime to find the most cringe worthy flowery crap as my father used to say!
A NEWSPAPER FOR YOU, AT ALL?
Finally, to almost validate today’s musings, I remember just before returning to the U.K from Dubai earlier in the year, I had a coffee in the hotel lobby next to my apartment and there was the familiar friend, the rack of newspapers. You know the ones that are wrapped around a long wooden pole and remain almost impossible to read without injuring yourself or taking out a passer by. The accompanying notice said ‘Newspapers for your reading pleasure’. All they had was the Gulf News and Khaleej Times, so it wasn’t even technically correct.
Before the COVID cloud descended, I was fortunate in my chosen career to travel and see the world from a business class seat, but like so many now, not anymore. This does however give me the opportunity to share, just for fun really, some peculiar observations I’ve made over the years with the corporate traveller; regarded as the life support of airport retail and a dying breed now, no thanks to the pandemic.
Clearly the Zoom platform is the new normal of 1-2-1 human business interactions across the globe and the unimaginable cemetery of airlines. I guess inadvertently, we’ve found something Sir David Attenborough can for once be chipper about, with the dramatic reduction in ozone depleting, cancerous, aircraft contrails, so that’s a little good news from all this bad and who knows even Greta Thunberg might relax a tad.
In retrospect though this unplanned sabbatical from corporate travel for me is quite a blessing, as I no longer have to endure ‘Mr Corporate’ on the move, which is baffling at the best of times.
I consider myself a relatively humble traveller, who knows what to wear, what to take, where to sit on the silver bird (with no fuss), for the all-important swift strategic exit, to beat the immigration queue debacle on arrival. I know my gate and don’t rely on airport staff lazily for anything, and i’m always conscious of what time to leave the business lounge leaving plenty of time for the marathon to the gate. My personal KPI to aviation etiquette success, 35,000 feet up, is when I believe the crew almost don’t know I’m there. A far cry from many passengers I have witnessed, who believe they deserve the attentive service of a five star hotel guest relations manager, at all times.
My fine-tuned departure diligence and commitment to my fellow passengers thankfully never made me the subject of the Captain’s weary announcement, that we’re just finishing up the paperwork, which in reality, translates to, we’re still waiting for some selfish bastard traveller, who believes it’s OK to still be sipping champagne in the lounge. Shamelessly, and almost like he’s been inconvenienced, he eventually saunters on-board the aircraft for the inevitable walk of shame down the aisle, his air of nonchalance that 500 fellow passengers including the crew are now delayed, knowing full well we should have already pushed back and we’ve now missed our slot, beggars belief.
I’M COOLER ONLINE
What I could never get to grips with on these frequent trips is the regularity of corporate travellers who believe ‘my laptop is in front of me, which mandates its use’ behaviour. Personally I think laptops should be banned from airports. They hold up security checks, they break if the person in front of you reclines without warning (in cattle class) and it seems the world’s businessmen are incapable of sitting down at an airport for a moment, without flicking open the computer and pulling a serious face, while pretending that the machine is actually doing something. It isn’t.
The alpha males fortunate enough to locate an electrical socket, which is coveted, strictly guarded and comes at a premium in the business lounge, usually flex a muddle of about five different cables and devices as invariably none will have any charge, and settle in to assimilate productivity with short-lived red-eye eagerness. They then spend the first five minutes waiting for it to stop making chiming noises on start up and the next twenty discovering it won’t connect to the lounge Wi-Fi, something to this day I have never succeeded with in any airport. I would put money on what I call the existence of the airport Wi-Fi hogger, who lurks in dark café corners, downloading the Star Wars trilogy in glorious HD for free, effectively blocking the bitstreamy pipe thingy for everyone else. The alternative then is to login through your hotspot, but frustratingly this requires you to dig deep for a password you can never remember and by the time its emailed to an account you don’t have access to either, they have called your flight and its time to go.
I think instead of pretending to be international mover and shakers, who cannot be out of touch for a moment, leave the damn thing at home, speed up security checks and spend more time thinking about stuff or reading The Economist. This will make you a better, cleverer person and more people will want to do business with you, not a dinner party bore who believes his MacBook Air with high resolution, 14 inch retina display and four million pixels makes him look svelte and important.
IT’S A COVER UP
The other phenomena of the businessman on the move in airports, is the mobile phone. I started to notice several corporate types holding the handset with one hand and using the other hand to shield their mouths, huh? This is absurd; I mean how many people do you know that can actually lip-read? You really can have a normal conversation you know, because hate to say it, the reality is we’re genuinely not interested in what your saying. You might think you look like an arms dealer who’s negotiating with Kim Jong-un about the next consignment of solid state rocket-man fuel or the market price for plutonium rods, but we know you aren’t because your called Steve from Swindon and your crumpled egg stained suit is from Zara.
MEN IN BLACK
Which brings me to the next travel savvy recommendation. Don’t wear suits when you travel, it only means you have to carry a suit carrier. I did this once (never again), when I was shallow and stupid, worrying more about the creases in my Paul Smith trousers than what I had to sell. The carrier was the size of a house, with so many pockets, it created what I call ‘pocket-paranoia’, similar to what you experience with ski-suits, and almost cost me an extra airline ticket based on volumetric mass alone. My advice, adopt the ‘in the know’ travel convenience of a timeless polo shirt and chino’s, but never, ever, tuck your polo shirt in, as this will make you look like an American and if that isn’t bad enough, it might then find you in the concourse retail area perusing and contemplating fanny packs, the beginning of the end for most of us.
Furthermore when you are in the business lounge at 6 a.m. do not drink vast quantities of alcohol and pile your plate up high and mix croissants, curry and fruit like an apostle at The Last Supper, because it’s free. I witnessed this show of gluttony all the time, often while in the queue for the Clooney capsule coffee machine. Interestingly Dubai Airport business lounge was the worst, its like a Calcutta railway station in rush hour. Every man and his dog is in there and the capacious concourse a floor below almost looks empty because of it. This free dining for all concept and generosity from Emirates (not known for their freebies) creates an almost supermarket style, free shopping, trolley dash atmosphere around the various buffet stations, that one must skilfully now navigate or get trampled on. Lets also be honest here, your about to be served an hour into your flight with reconstituted eggs anyway so this poor eatery etiquette just reaffirms everyone’s suspicion, that you’re a business lounge virgin and only here as a ‘poverty guest’, on the back of your colleagues platinum airline loyalty card.
WORK IT OUT AND GET OUT
Finally, if you’re staying in an international hotel try not to go to the gym. I’ve stayed in fabulous cities all over the world rammed with art, culture, bars and many quirky restaurants with the option to truly eat and mix like a local. And yet my hotel’s gym was crammed with Anthony’s lifting things up and putting them down in the same place again. What an earth are you all doing? Get out of your shorts and immerse in some culture. You are blessed with a job that lets you travel, so don’t waste your time in the gym locker room, talking credit swaps, putting your suit in a silly trouser press that never works and lifting up stuff that’s just too heavy.
It seems ever since the 1990’s a bizarre code of conduct for businessmen exists often resulting in a decimated stock market and the prospect of many years of economic austerity and doldrums to right the wrongs. I put this down to the people that should have been oiling the wheels of commerce being in the gym or trying to impress colleagues with their MacBook Air, that never ever connects to airport Wi-Fi, as its probably too thin to even pick up a signal.
My ‘Mr Businessman’ travel tip conclusion then with all these observations is, wear a polo shirt and chinos, read The Economist, talk normally on the phone and make stuff people actually want to buy. Alternatively you could just Zoominar and make the world a cleaner better place.
By Kieran Hawker from Accelerate Agency
The world’s found itself with a lot more free time over the past few weeks. The Covid-19 crisis has seen many of us confined to our homes. Plenty of people have been searching out new ways to while away the time. TV and streaming services have never been more appreciated. It’s for that reason that Netflix’s latest sensation, Tiger King, has become a talking point the world over.
Many social networks are dominated by Coronavirus information. The rest of social media is awash with the extraordinary true-crime series. An horrific yet compelling story, Tiger King has many different strands. From animal abuse to alleged murder and polygamy to politics, the show has it all covered. One particular element of the tale, too, piqued our professional interest.
Taboo SEO, Copyright Violation & The Tiger King
Much of the Tiger King series looks into G.W Zoo owner, Joe Exotic, and his feud with Carole Baskin. Baskin owns an ‘animal sanctuary’ on the other side of the USA. Despite the geographical distance, the pair are the closest of rivals. One of the episodes, too, explained how the rivalry entered the realm of digital marketing.
Far from the worst of his crimes, Exotic was guilty of some pretty crude blackhat digital marketing efforts. Interviews from the show revealed that the shady zoo owner went as far as changing the name of his business.
Exotic wanted to exploit the popularity and online presence of Baskin’s ‘Big Cat Rescue’. To do so, he adopted the moniker ‘Big Cat Rescue Entertainment’. That wasn’t all he did to increase his chances of stealing search traffic, either. Exotic also created business cards and ads with Florida addresses and phone numbers. That’s despite the fact that G.W Zoo is in Arizona.
The bold and underhanded move saw some success in the short term. In Tiger King, Baskin talked about fielding calls from people assuming a connection to Exotic’s business. It’s safe to believe that plenty of people made a similar mistake online, too. Retribution was definitive and significant, though.
In 2012, Baskin took Exotic and his company to court for copyright violation. Unsurprisingly, given the details of the case, she was successful. The Florida businesswoman gained a settlement worth close to $1 million.
Tiger King – The Digital Marketing Takeaway
Who’d have thought a Netflix true-crime series would have an SEO takeaway? We truly are living through strange times. Tiger King, though, can teach something about SEO. Particularly, it can educate you on the unethical shortcuts you may get tempted to take.
Such blackhat methods for siphoning traffic or usurping rivals can work in the short-term. You might see a boost in visitors to your site. In the long run, though, you’ll do yourself more harm than good.
Google’s algorithms are now smarter than they’ve ever been. They’ll often catch you out and rain down punitive penalties. If not, you could see the same kind of legal ramifications as Joe Exotic. The bottom line is that the best digital marketing comes via hard work over time. You can’t cheat your way up the SERPs.
Republished from Accelerate Agency’s website: https://www.accelerate-agency.com/how-the-tiger-king-exploited-taboo-seo-practices
Exotic’s Big Cat Rescue Entertainment logo (left) and Baskin’s Big Cat Rescue logo. Source: Netflix
Two of Bristol’s creative agencies have joined forces to launch a brand new arts community to raise money for the NHS and Mind charities amidst the current Covid-19 crisis.
Duchess Media and Hey! What? have come together to launch ‘Life on Hold’, a campaign designed to generate a new creative community, producing designs, illustrations, animations and music inspired by the current change in pace of life for a lot of other agencies, freelancers and creatives in digital, music and arts, who have suddenly found themselves out of work.
Working with a range of well-known and up and coming artists from Bristol and beyond including Inkie, Mr Jago, Feek and many more, Life on Hold will launch online with a selection of curated pieces of art and music, all based around the theme of ‘Life on Hold.’ The produced works will then be made available to participants for download through the Life On Hold website for the creative community to remix.
Participating artists will then take elements from the original creations to produce their own pieces of work. Their creations can then be passed on to other creatives, generating a chain of ever-evolving ‘remixed’ art, graphic design and music.
The project will culminate in an online exhibition including the original pieces of work alongside all of the remixed prints and music tracks, all of which will be available for purchase with all profits raised going to Bristol based NHS charity Above & Beyond, who work to support city centre hospitals.
Speaking about the project, founder Hamish McWhirter said:
“The NHS and charities like Mind are so vital to our society at times like this. Using our connections within the creative community to show them some gratitude and support for what they are doing is the least we can do. It’s also a great way for creatives to produce works that connect with what will be remembered as a seminal moment in our generations history. Doing good is the best we can do right now.”
Life On Hold will launch with the original pieces available for applications on Friday 27th March, with original artworks available for ‘remixing’ on Friday 3rd April, and anyone wanting to participate will be able to make a charitable donation to support the amazing work being done by the NHS in Bristol’s hospital during this crisis and all the time. The remixed pieces will then be showcased and be available for purchase at a later date.
Applications are now open at www.lifeonhold.org.
Press contact: Meg Pope [email protected] 07791896421
Social Media
Facebook: /lifeonholdremix
Twitter: @lifeonholdremix
Instagram: @lifeonholdremix
Following a successful exhibition in 2018, AMBITIOUS PR is supporting the return of the Bristol Gaming Market this weekend. The gaming expo is set to draw over 2,000 gaming enthusiasts from across the region to the Passenger Shed for a one-day gaming extravaganza.
With the highest concentration of gaming companies in the South West (and the 7th highest in the UK), Bristol is home to studios such as the award-winning Mobile Pie and Reach Robotics, the company behind augmented reality game, MekaMon.
Following the success in cities including London and Doncaster, Replay Events, the company behind the PLAY Expo is holding the Bristol Gaming Market to give gaming enthusiasts and collectors from across the region a chance to browse hundreds of tables of video games, tabletop games and mechanise for sale.
“We are witnessing a real growth in retro gaming as collectors and gaming enthusiasts stay loyal to classic games and are willing to travel the distance to get their hands-on classic games like Console Passion and Deadpan Robot.” Commented Andy Brown, Managing Director, Replay Events.
The Bristol Gaming Market will take place at The Passenger Shed, next to Temple Meads train station in the centre of Bristol, on Sunday 22nd September. Early entry tickets (giving access from 11am) cost £5.00 and are pre-bookable at: www.bristolgamingmarket.com/tickets. Tickets after 12:00 cost just £2.00. Children under 16 can enter for free when accompanied by a paying adult after 12pm. Tickets are available on the door. The Bristol Gaming Market closes at 16:00.
www.bristolgamingmarket.com
Blaze and the Monster Machines, Shimmer and Shine, Top Wing and Butterbean’s Café will all be part of the web-based offering, rolling out first in the UK.
Taking a page out of Disney’s book, Nick Jr. joined up several of its properties into a new game that launched on July 5. The kidcaster has combined its popular preschool properties Blaze and the Monster Machines, Shimmer and Shine, Top Wing and Butterbean’s Café into the web-based Nick Jr. World.
Through the Nick Jr. website, kids can create an avatar version of themselves (with 54 million possible combinations) that will then be immersed into the world of the characters. Each player world has four different missions to complete, all based on storylines and visuals from the shows. When kids finish each mission, they earn a custom photo of their avatar with the characters from the shows.
UK agency Complete Control built the platform, which launched in the UK last week and will roll out internationally over the next few months.
Nickelodeon has been turning its attention recently to a diverse gaming portfolio, including the launch of NickX eSports platform for African kids, building smart speaker games for kids on Amazon’s Alexa platform and acquiring childhood early learning platform Sparkler to fold into its interactive video and game app Noggin.
Disney has also been known to combine many of its properties into one gaming app, such as its successful Disney Emoji Blitz, which Jam City took over at the end of last year. The LA-based developer is also in the works on several more multi-property offerings for Disney under a mobile development agreement the two companies signed.
Credit – http://kidscreen.com/2019/07/08/nick-jr-launches-multi-property-game/
